okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
