The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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