Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I think I just sharted jello shots
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