He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
