She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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