She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
