i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
