i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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