Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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