they need to just BURY HIM!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
