I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way