I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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