I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
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dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.