an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.