My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.