Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
birth control should be required to get into college
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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