her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
