Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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