Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
