Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
