Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
