im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize