If that was your dad, he is hot
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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