I should be sponsored by Trojan
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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