you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
