Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
