my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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