I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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