I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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