It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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