I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This baby is an asshole
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
