It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
