i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
