okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
