Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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