dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
