it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
