So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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