OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
