You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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