My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
