I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
