I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
