We won't sleep together?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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