I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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