Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
