Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
