I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
