Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
