I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
