you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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