3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
