On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
