he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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