do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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