Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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