yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
