guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I bet he comes in French.
smell my finger.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
