when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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