I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
