hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
