U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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