we have officially lost it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
