it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
