I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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