He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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