There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
