remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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