babies were throwing up all over the place
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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