Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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