i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
