I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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