"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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