I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
