I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
