first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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