I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
