just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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