haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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