I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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