just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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