My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
