he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
