My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she pinky promised me she was 18
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
