After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
