I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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