Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
