I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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